Singing Along the Journey

Calling

A tug and a pull…

I'm starting this Wednesday morning with a confession:  over the past couple of years, as I have worked with the concept of "discernment", lived in a place of discernment, worked to always practice true discernment, listened, prayed, thought, probed --truthfully, I have come, well, to dislike the word discernment.  In fact, as of yesterday, I would do anything to avoid the word, the concept, the idea -- if, sitting across from someone, they had leaned forward and told me in hushed tones that they were in a period of discernment, I probably would have had to leave the room -- no matter the depth of their sincerity or need.  The…
Read More

Beginning the remembering…

I must confess that I am avoiding the news and the usual NPR sound track to my life because, well, I am striving to resist the growing tide of 9/11 remembrance stories.  It is not that I do not want to remember, in fact I can't help but remember....I just want to maintain some illusion of control over when I take time to remember and therefore when I give in to the emotions that come with those memories. But maybe because I have been thinking about the topics like art and sin, yesterday I was thinking about just what I was doing ten years ago -- not in the minute…
Read More

And, one more thing on the topic of sin…

Well, for now anyway.  Back to the book I've been reading, Uncommon Gratitude, by Sr. Joan Chittister and Bishop Rowan Williams. I can't move on to the chapter on "Saints" before I finish digesting the one on "Sinners". I have spent the greater part of my energy over the last two years trying to find some resolution, some combination of what I experience as the call to communicate through musical performance and music education, and the call to discipleship....calls which have often seemed too divergent to manage or even to coexist in one life, at least in this world in which we live.  But I continue to be very unsuccessful…
Read More

Yes, I’m a sinner, but I guess I’m a good one…

Okay, I know that the title bears some explanation.  If you've been following my writings at least a little bit, you know that last spring, after a year of agonized questing and trying, I stopped actively looking for a way to "answer" the strong call of Gospel living that I felt and feel on my life.  I decided to to stop enrolling, pursuing, managing, forcing, and in general applying my considerable human will to answering that call, and to try a different approach:  I did nothing.  And, I must tell you, I really did nothing.  I haven't read a book, I haven't made a plan, I haven't looked forward --…
Read More

The weight of it all…

A year ago today, I was licensed to the Gospel Ministry at the Calvary Baptist Church.  As a member of my committee  (and someone whose grace and spirit I admire so deeply) said to me immediately afterward, in the grips of a welcome hug, "So, do you feel the weight of the Gospel call on your life yet?"   At the time, I probably thought that I did -- I certainly understood the solemnity of the choice that I had just made, the gravity of standing in front of my community and declaring it, the responsibility involved in asking for their confirmation of my call and the duty I had in…
Read More

Roses and the meaning of Life…

I live in the city -- I mean, really, the city...so when I refer to my "garden" I am talking about the the 4 foot by 10 foot stretch of post-construction dirt rubble that was used to fill in the hill in the front of our house, some 40 years ago.  I am quite lucky, since I have the space in front of two houses in our row (the house next door is a rental property belonging to a friend, where I am also allowed to garden), but considering that I grew up with a full acre to garden in, well, you get the idea...it is small.  But over the…
Read More

Open mine eyes…

For various reasons, I had the opportunity to spend a considerable amount of study time with the Road to Emmaus story this week (Luke  24:13-35, in case you want to read it), and it has set me to pondering further some things that, well, I have been pondering.  As I was reading  from various commentaries, I was struck by one particular comment:  that, in the eyes of this analyst, one of the signs of a good story (particular a story written to instruct and guide) is that it is incomplete -- there are lots of "spaces" in the tale, allowing we the readers of that tale to fill in the…
Read More

What we need now are muscular Christians…

That's a quote from one of my old favorite movies, Chariots of Fire (1981), a quote which has stayed in my heart and brain these long years and which, in the past few days, has taken on a more vivid meaning  for me and a greater urgency in my life.  No, don't be concerned...I am not about to decide that I want to "bike a century" like one friend or to take up triathalon training like another.   Being a muscular Christian in the Eric Lidell sense of the phrase means something totally different to me.  That is what has become clear to me over the past week. I didn't realize…
Read More

Viva la Resistance…

No, I have not been mysteriously transported to the French Resistance and the fight against Nazi Germany, although, internally it might feel a bit like that.  And maybe “Long live the Resistance” is not really the sentiment that I want to express, because, really, I would like it to end – it just seems to be the reality of the past few weeks, and, particularly the last 48 hours. Resistance – you know, that gift from God that shines a light on something that needs our holy attention?  When you are in the middle of it, it certainly does not feel like a gift. There are lots of changes all around…
Read More

Star-shaped pegs, round holes, and obsessions…

The Lenten season is never a particularly easy one for me...I tend to take the set-apart nature of this time very seriously, and conduct my own very intense version of the 12-step "ruthless moral inventory" to the very maximum.  Throw in a little of the type of soul-searching and relationship review that precedes the commemoration of Yom Kippur, and add a dash of my own personal intensity, and well, you can imagine what these weeks are like inside my spirit and my head.  I have always loved the Lenten season, despite its difficulties -- but not this year. Without burdening those of you who kindly read what I write with…
Read More

A tug and a pull…

I'm starting this Wednesday morning with a confession:  over the past couple of years, as I have worked with the concept of "discernment", lived in a place of discernment, worked to always practice true discernment, listened, prayed, thought, probed --truthfully, I have come, well, to dislike the word discernment.  In fact, as of yesterday, I would do anything to avoid the word, the concept, the idea -- if, sitting across from someone, they had leaned forward and told me in hushed tones that they were in a period of discernment, I probably would have had to leave the room -- no matter the depth of their sincerity or need.  The…
Read More

Beginning the remembering…

I must confess that I am avoiding the news and the usual NPR sound track to my life because, well, I am striving to resist the growing tide of 9/11 remembrance stories.  It is not that I do not want to remember, in fact I can't help but remember....I just want to maintain some illusion of control over when I take time to remember and therefore when I give in to the emotions that come with those memories. But maybe because I have been thinking about the topics like art and sin, yesterday I was thinking about just what I was doing ten years ago -- not in the minute…
Read More

And, one more thing on the topic of sin…

Well, for now anyway.  Back to the book I've been reading, Uncommon Gratitude, by Sr. Joan Chittister and Bishop Rowan Williams. I can't move on to the chapter on "Saints" before I finish digesting the one on "Sinners". I have spent the greater part of my energy over the last two years trying to find some resolution, some combination of what I experience as the call to communicate through musical performance and music education, and the call to discipleship....calls which have often seemed too divergent to manage or even to coexist in one life, at least in this world in which we live.  But I continue to be very unsuccessful…
Read More

Yes, I’m a sinner, but I guess I’m a good one…

Okay, I know that the title bears some explanation.  If you've been following my writings at least a little bit, you know that last spring, after a year of agonized questing and trying, I stopped actively looking for a way to "answer" the strong call of Gospel living that I felt and feel on my life.  I decided to to stop enrolling, pursuing, managing, forcing, and in general applying my considerable human will to answering that call, and to try a different approach:  I did nothing.  And, I must tell you, I really did nothing.  I haven't read a book, I haven't made a plan, I haven't looked forward --…
Read More

The weight of it all…

A year ago today, I was licensed to the Gospel Ministry at the Calvary Baptist Church.  As a member of my committee  (and someone whose grace and spirit I admire so deeply) said to me immediately afterward, in the grips of a welcome hug, "So, do you feel the weight of the Gospel call on your life yet?"   At the time, I probably thought that I did -- I certainly understood the solemnity of the choice that I had just made, the gravity of standing in front of my community and declaring it, the responsibility involved in asking for their confirmation of my call and the duty I had in…
Read More

Roses and the meaning of Life…

I live in the city -- I mean, really, the city...so when I refer to my "garden" I am talking about the the 4 foot by 10 foot stretch of post-construction dirt rubble that was used to fill in the hill in the front of our house, some 40 years ago.  I am quite lucky, since I have the space in front of two houses in our row (the house next door is a rental property belonging to a friend, where I am also allowed to garden), but considering that I grew up with a full acre to garden in, well, you get the idea...it is small.  But over the…
Read More

Open mine eyes…

For various reasons, I had the opportunity to spend a considerable amount of study time with the Road to Emmaus story this week (Luke  24:13-35, in case you want to read it), and it has set me to pondering further some things that, well, I have been pondering.  As I was reading  from various commentaries, I was struck by one particular comment:  that, in the eyes of this analyst, one of the signs of a good story (particular a story written to instruct and guide) is that it is incomplete -- there are lots of "spaces" in the tale, allowing we the readers of that tale to fill in the…
Read More

What we need now are muscular Christians…

That's a quote from one of my old favorite movies, Chariots of Fire (1981), a quote which has stayed in my heart and brain these long years and which, in the past few days, has taken on a more vivid meaning  for me and a greater urgency in my life.  No, don't be concerned...I am not about to decide that I want to "bike a century" like one friend or to take up triathalon training like another.   Being a muscular Christian in the Eric Lidell sense of the phrase means something totally different to me.  That is what has become clear to me over the past week. I didn't realize…
Read More

Viva la Resistance…

No, I have not been mysteriously transported to the French Resistance and the fight against Nazi Germany, although, internally it might feel a bit like that.  And maybe “Long live the Resistance” is not really the sentiment that I want to express, because, really, I would like it to end – it just seems to be the reality of the past few weeks, and, particularly the last 48 hours. Resistance – you know, that gift from God that shines a light on something that needs our holy attention?  When you are in the middle of it, it certainly does not feel like a gift. There are lots of changes all around…
Read More

Star-shaped pegs, round holes, and obsessions…

The Lenten season is never a particularly easy one for me...I tend to take the set-apart nature of this time very seriously, and conduct my own very intense version of the 12-step "ruthless moral inventory" to the very maximum.  Throw in a little of the type of soul-searching and relationship review that precedes the commemoration of Yom Kippur, and add a dash of my own personal intensity, and well, you can imagine what these weeks are like inside my spirit and my head.  I have always loved the Lenten season, despite its difficulties -- but not this year. Without burdening those of you who kindly read what I write with…
Read More

A tug and a pull…

I'm starting this Wednesday morning with a confession:  over the past couple of years, as I have worked with the concept of "discernment", lived in a place of discernment, worked to always practice true discernment, listened, prayed, thought, probed --truthfully, I have come, well, to dislike the word discernment.  In fact, as of yesterday, I would do anything to avoid the word, the concept, the idea -- if, sitting across from someone, they had leaned forward and told me in hushed tones that they were in a period of discernment, I probably would have had to leave the room -- no matter the depth of their sincerity or need.  The…
Read More

Beginning the remembering…

I must confess that I am avoiding the news and the usual NPR sound track to my life because, well, I am striving to resist the growing tide of 9/11 remembrance stories.  It is not that I do not want to remember, in fact I can't help but remember....I just want to maintain some illusion of control over when I take time to remember and therefore when I give in to the emotions that come with those memories. But maybe because I have been thinking about the topics like art and sin, yesterday I was thinking about just what I was doing ten years ago -- not in the minute…
Read More

And, one more thing on the topic of sin…

Well, for now anyway.  Back to the book I've been reading, Uncommon Gratitude, by Sr. Joan Chittister and Bishop Rowan Williams. I can't move on to the chapter on "Saints" before I finish digesting the one on "Sinners". I have spent the greater part of my energy over the last two years trying to find some resolution, some combination of what I experience as the call to communicate through musical performance and music education, and the call to discipleship....calls which have often seemed too divergent to manage or even to coexist in one life, at least in this world in which we live.  But I continue to be very unsuccessful…
Read More

Yes, I’m a sinner, but I guess I’m a good one…

Okay, I know that the title bears some explanation.  If you've been following my writings at least a little bit, you know that last spring, after a year of agonized questing and trying, I stopped actively looking for a way to "answer" the strong call of Gospel living that I felt and feel on my life.  I decided to to stop enrolling, pursuing, managing, forcing, and in general applying my considerable human will to answering that call, and to try a different approach:  I did nothing.  And, I must tell you, I really did nothing.  I haven't read a book, I haven't made a plan, I haven't looked forward --…
Read More

The weight of it all…

A year ago today, I was licensed to the Gospel Ministry at the Calvary Baptist Church.  As a member of my committee  (and someone whose grace and spirit I admire so deeply) said to me immediately afterward, in the grips of a welcome hug, "So, do you feel the weight of the Gospel call on your life yet?"   At the time, I probably thought that I did -- I certainly understood the solemnity of the choice that I had just made, the gravity of standing in front of my community and declaring it, the responsibility involved in asking for their confirmation of my call and the duty I had in…
Read More

Roses and the meaning of Life…

I live in the city -- I mean, really, the city...so when I refer to my "garden" I am talking about the the 4 foot by 10 foot stretch of post-construction dirt rubble that was used to fill in the hill in the front of our house, some 40 years ago.  I am quite lucky, since I have the space in front of two houses in our row (the house next door is a rental property belonging to a friend, where I am also allowed to garden), but considering that I grew up with a full acre to garden in, well, you get the idea...it is small.  But over the…
Read More

Open mine eyes…

For various reasons, I had the opportunity to spend a considerable amount of study time with the Road to Emmaus story this week (Luke  24:13-35, in case you want to read it), and it has set me to pondering further some things that, well, I have been pondering.  As I was reading  from various commentaries, I was struck by one particular comment:  that, in the eyes of this analyst, one of the signs of a good story (particular a story written to instruct and guide) is that it is incomplete -- there are lots of "spaces" in the tale, allowing we the readers of that tale to fill in the…
Read More

What we need now are muscular Christians…

That's a quote from one of my old favorite movies, Chariots of Fire (1981), a quote which has stayed in my heart and brain these long years and which, in the past few days, has taken on a more vivid meaning  for me and a greater urgency in my life.  No, don't be concerned...I am not about to decide that I want to "bike a century" like one friend or to take up triathalon training like another.   Being a muscular Christian in the Eric Lidell sense of the phrase means something totally different to me.  That is what has become clear to me over the past week. I didn't realize…
Read More

Viva la Resistance…

No, I have not been mysteriously transported to the French Resistance and the fight against Nazi Germany, although, internally it might feel a bit like that.  And maybe “Long live the Resistance” is not really the sentiment that I want to express, because, really, I would like it to end – it just seems to be the reality of the past few weeks, and, particularly the last 48 hours. Resistance – you know, that gift from God that shines a light on something that needs our holy attention?  When you are in the middle of it, it certainly does not feel like a gift. There are lots of changes all around…
Read More

Star-shaped pegs, round holes, and obsessions…

The Lenten season is never a particularly easy one for me...I tend to take the set-apart nature of this time very seriously, and conduct my own very intense version of the 12-step "ruthless moral inventory" to the very maximum.  Throw in a little of the type of soul-searching and relationship review that precedes the commemoration of Yom Kippur, and add a dash of my own personal intensity, and well, you can imagine what these weeks are like inside my spirit and my head.  I have always loved the Lenten season, despite its difficulties -- but not this year. Without burdening those of you who kindly read what I write with…
Read More

A tug and a pull…

I'm starting this Wednesday morning with a confession:  over the past couple of years, as I have worked with the concept of "discernment", lived in a place of discernment, worked to always practice true discernment, listened, prayed, thought, probed --truthfully, I have come, well, to dislike the word discernment.  In fact, as of yesterday, I would do anything to avoid the word, the concept, the idea -- if, sitting across from someone, they had leaned forward and told me in hushed tones that they were in a period of discernment, I probably would have had to leave the room -- no matter the depth of their sincerity or need.  The…
Read More

Beginning the remembering…

I must confess that I am avoiding the news and the usual NPR sound track to my life because, well, I am striving to resist the growing tide of 9/11 remembrance stories.  It is not that I do not want to remember, in fact I can't help but remember....I just want to maintain some illusion of control over when I take time to remember and therefore when I give in to the emotions that come with those memories. But maybe because I have been thinking about the topics like art and sin, yesterday I was thinking about just what I was doing ten years ago -- not in the minute…
Read More

And, one more thing on the topic of sin…

Well, for now anyway.  Back to the book I've been reading, Uncommon Gratitude, by Sr. Joan Chittister and Bishop Rowan Williams. I can't move on to the chapter on "Saints" before I finish digesting the one on "Sinners". I have spent the greater part of my energy over the last two years trying to find some resolution, some combination of what I experience as the call to communicate through musical performance and music education, and the call to discipleship....calls which have often seemed too divergent to manage or even to coexist in one life, at least in this world in which we live.  But I continue to be very unsuccessful…
Read More

Yes, I’m a sinner, but I guess I’m a good one…

Okay, I know that the title bears some explanation.  If you've been following my writings at least a little bit, you know that last spring, after a year of agonized questing and trying, I stopped actively looking for a way to "answer" the strong call of Gospel living that I felt and feel on my life.  I decided to to stop enrolling, pursuing, managing, forcing, and in general applying my considerable human will to answering that call, and to try a different approach:  I did nothing.  And, I must tell you, I really did nothing.  I haven't read a book, I haven't made a plan, I haven't looked forward --…
Read More

The weight of it all…

A year ago today, I was licensed to the Gospel Ministry at the Calvary Baptist Church.  As a member of my committee  (and someone whose grace and spirit I admire so deeply) said to me immediately afterward, in the grips of a welcome hug, "So, do you feel the weight of the Gospel call on your life yet?"   At the time, I probably thought that I did -- I certainly understood the solemnity of the choice that I had just made, the gravity of standing in front of my community and declaring it, the responsibility involved in asking for their confirmation of my call and the duty I had in…
Read More

Roses and the meaning of Life…

I live in the city -- I mean, really, the city...so when I refer to my "garden" I am talking about the the 4 foot by 10 foot stretch of post-construction dirt rubble that was used to fill in the hill in the front of our house, some 40 years ago.  I am quite lucky, since I have the space in front of two houses in our row (the house next door is a rental property belonging to a friend, where I am also allowed to garden), but considering that I grew up with a full acre to garden in, well, you get the idea...it is small.  But over the…
Read More

Open mine eyes…

For various reasons, I had the opportunity to spend a considerable amount of study time with the Road to Emmaus story this week (Luke  24:13-35, in case you want to read it), and it has set me to pondering further some things that, well, I have been pondering.  As I was reading  from various commentaries, I was struck by one particular comment:  that, in the eyes of this analyst, one of the signs of a good story (particular a story written to instruct and guide) is that it is incomplete -- there are lots of "spaces" in the tale, allowing we the readers of that tale to fill in the…
Read More

What we need now are muscular Christians…

That's a quote from one of my old favorite movies, Chariots of Fire (1981), a quote which has stayed in my heart and brain these long years and which, in the past few days, has taken on a more vivid meaning  for me and a greater urgency in my life.  No, don't be concerned...I am not about to decide that I want to "bike a century" like one friend or to take up triathalon training like another.   Being a muscular Christian in the Eric Lidell sense of the phrase means something totally different to me.  That is what has become clear to me over the past week. I didn't realize…
Read More

Viva la Resistance…

No, I have not been mysteriously transported to the French Resistance and the fight against Nazi Germany, although, internally it might feel a bit like that.  And maybe “Long live the Resistance” is not really the sentiment that I want to express, because, really, I would like it to end – it just seems to be the reality of the past few weeks, and, particularly the last 48 hours. Resistance – you know, that gift from God that shines a light on something that needs our holy attention?  When you are in the middle of it, it certainly does not feel like a gift. There are lots of changes all around…
Read More

Star-shaped pegs, round holes, and obsessions…

The Lenten season is never a particularly easy one for me...I tend to take the set-apart nature of this time very seriously, and conduct my own very intense version of the 12-step "ruthless moral inventory" to the very maximum.  Throw in a little of the type of soul-searching and relationship review that precedes the commemoration of Yom Kippur, and add a dash of my own personal intensity, and well, you can imagine what these weeks are like inside my spirit and my head.  I have always loved the Lenten season, despite its difficulties -- but not this year. Without burdening those of you who kindly read what I write with…
Read More

A tug and a pull…

I'm starting this Wednesday morning with a confession:  over the past couple of years, as I have worked with the concept of "discernment", lived in a place of discernment, worked to always practice true discernment, listened, prayed, thought, probed --truthfully, I have come, well, to dislike the word discernment.  In fact, as of yesterday, I would do anything to avoid the word, the concept, the idea -- if, sitting across from someone, they had leaned forward and told me in hushed tones that they were in a period of discernment, I probably would have had to leave the room -- no matter the depth of their sincerity or need.  The…
Read More

Beginning the remembering…

I must confess that I am avoiding the news and the usual NPR sound track to my life because, well, I am striving to resist the growing tide of 9/11 remembrance stories.  It is not that I do not want to remember, in fact I can't help but remember....I just want to maintain some illusion of control over when I take time to remember and therefore when I give in to the emotions that come with those memories. But maybe because I have been thinking about the topics like art and sin, yesterday I was thinking about just what I was doing ten years ago -- not in the minute…
Read More

And, one more thing on the topic of sin…

Well, for now anyway.  Back to the book I've been reading, Uncommon Gratitude, by Sr. Joan Chittister and Bishop Rowan Williams. I can't move on to the chapter on "Saints" before I finish digesting the one on "Sinners". I have spent the greater part of my energy over the last two years trying to find some resolution, some combination of what I experience as the call to communicate through musical performance and music education, and the call to discipleship....calls which have often seemed too divergent to manage or even to coexist in one life, at least in this world in which we live.  But I continue to be very unsuccessful…
Read More

Yes, I’m a sinner, but I guess I’m a good one…

Okay, I know that the title bears some explanation.  If you've been following my writings at least a little bit, you know that last spring, after a year of agonized questing and trying, I stopped actively looking for a way to "answer" the strong call of Gospel living that I felt and feel on my life.  I decided to to stop enrolling, pursuing, managing, forcing, and in general applying my considerable human will to answering that call, and to try a different approach:  I did nothing.  And, I must tell you, I really did nothing.  I haven't read a book, I haven't made a plan, I haven't looked forward --…
Read More

The weight of it all…

A year ago today, I was licensed to the Gospel Ministry at the Calvary Baptist Church.  As a member of my committee  (and someone whose grace and spirit I admire so deeply) said to me immediately afterward, in the grips of a welcome hug, "So, do you feel the weight of the Gospel call on your life yet?"   At the time, I probably thought that I did -- I certainly understood the solemnity of the choice that I had just made, the gravity of standing in front of my community and declaring it, the responsibility involved in asking for their confirmation of my call and the duty I had in…
Read More

Roses and the meaning of Life…

I live in the city -- I mean, really, the city...so when I refer to my "garden" I am talking about the the 4 foot by 10 foot stretch of post-construction dirt rubble that was used to fill in the hill in the front of our house, some 40 years ago.  I am quite lucky, since I have the space in front of two houses in our row (the house next door is a rental property belonging to a friend, where I am also allowed to garden), but considering that I grew up with a full acre to garden in, well, you get the idea...it is small.  But over the…
Read More

Open mine eyes…

For various reasons, I had the opportunity to spend a considerable amount of study time with the Road to Emmaus story this week (Luke  24:13-35, in case you want to read it), and it has set me to pondering further some things that, well, I have been pondering.  As I was reading  from various commentaries, I was struck by one particular comment:  that, in the eyes of this analyst, one of the signs of a good story (particular a story written to instruct and guide) is that it is incomplete -- there are lots of "spaces" in the tale, allowing we the readers of that tale to fill in the…
Read More

What we need now are muscular Christians…

That's a quote from one of my old favorite movies, Chariots of Fire (1981), a quote which has stayed in my heart and brain these long years and which, in the past few days, has taken on a more vivid meaning  for me and a greater urgency in my life.  No, don't be concerned...I am not about to decide that I want to "bike a century" like one friend or to take up triathalon training like another.   Being a muscular Christian in the Eric Lidell sense of the phrase means something totally different to me.  That is what has become clear to me over the past week. I didn't realize…
Read More

Viva la Resistance…

No, I have not been mysteriously transported to the French Resistance and the fight against Nazi Germany, although, internally it might feel a bit like that.  And maybe “Long live the Resistance” is not really the sentiment that I want to express, because, really, I would like it to end – it just seems to be the reality of the past few weeks, and, particularly the last 48 hours. Resistance – you know, that gift from God that shines a light on something that needs our holy attention?  When you are in the middle of it, it certainly does not feel like a gift. There are lots of changes all around…
Read More

Star-shaped pegs, round holes, and obsessions…

The Lenten season is never a particularly easy one for me...I tend to take the set-apart nature of this time very seriously, and conduct my own very intense version of the 12-step "ruthless moral inventory" to the very maximum.  Throw in a little of the type of soul-searching and relationship review that precedes the commemoration of Yom Kippur, and add a dash of my own personal intensity, and well, you can imagine what these weeks are like inside my spirit and my head.  I have always loved the Lenten season, despite its difficulties -- but not this year. Without burdening those of you who kindly read what I write with…
Read More

A tug and a pull…

I'm starting this Wednesday morning with a confession:  over the past couple of years, as I have worked with the concept of "discernment", lived in a place of discernment, worked to always practice true discernment, listened, prayed, thought, probed --truthfully, I have come, well, to dislike the word discernment.  In fact, as of yesterday, I would do anything to avoid the word, the concept, the idea -- if, sitting across from someone, they had leaned forward and told me in hushed tones that they were in a period of discernment, I probably would have had to leave the room -- no matter the depth of their sincerity or need.  The…
Read More

Beginning the remembering…

I must confess that I am avoiding the news and the usual NPR sound track to my life because, well, I am striving to resist the growing tide of 9/11 remembrance stories.  It is not that I do not want to remember, in fact I can't help but remember....I just want to maintain some illusion of control over when I take time to remember and therefore when I give in to the emotions that come with those memories. But maybe because I have been thinking about the topics like art and sin, yesterday I was thinking about just what I was doing ten years ago -- not in the minute…
Read More

And, one more thing on the topic of sin…

Well, for now anyway.  Back to the book I've been reading, Uncommon Gratitude, by Sr. Joan Chittister and Bishop Rowan Williams. I can't move on to the chapter on "Saints" before I finish digesting the one on "Sinners". I have spent the greater part of my energy over the last two years trying to find some resolution, some combination of what I experience as the call to communicate through musical performance and music education, and the call to discipleship....calls which have often seemed too divergent to manage or even to coexist in one life, at least in this world in which we live.  But I continue to be very unsuccessful…
Read More

Yes, I’m a sinner, but I guess I’m a good one…

Okay, I know that the title bears some explanation.  If you've been following my writings at least a little bit, you know that last spring, after a year of agonized questing and trying, I stopped actively looking for a way to "answer" the strong call of Gospel living that I felt and feel on my life.  I decided to to stop enrolling, pursuing, managing, forcing, and in general applying my considerable human will to answering that call, and to try a different approach:  I did nothing.  And, I must tell you, I really did nothing.  I haven't read a book, I haven't made a plan, I haven't looked forward --…
Read More

The weight of it all…

A year ago today, I was licensed to the Gospel Ministry at the Calvary Baptist Church.  As a member of my committee  (and someone whose grace and spirit I admire so deeply) said to me immediately afterward, in the grips of a welcome hug, "So, do you feel the weight of the Gospel call on your life yet?"   At the time, I probably thought that I did -- I certainly understood the solemnity of the choice that I had just made, the gravity of standing in front of my community and declaring it, the responsibility involved in asking for their confirmation of my call and the duty I had in…
Read More

Roses and the meaning of Life…

I live in the city -- I mean, really, the city...so when I refer to my "garden" I am talking about the the 4 foot by 10 foot stretch of post-construction dirt rubble that was used to fill in the hill in the front of our house, some 40 years ago.  I am quite lucky, since I have the space in front of two houses in our row (the house next door is a rental property belonging to a friend, where I am also allowed to garden), but considering that I grew up with a full acre to garden in, well, you get the idea...it is small.  But over the…
Read More

Open mine eyes…

For various reasons, I had the opportunity to spend a considerable amount of study time with the Road to Emmaus story this week (Luke  24:13-35, in case you want to read it), and it has set me to pondering further some things that, well, I have been pondering.  As I was reading  from various commentaries, I was struck by one particular comment:  that, in the eyes of this analyst, one of the signs of a good story (particular a story written to instruct and guide) is that it is incomplete -- there are lots of "spaces" in the tale, allowing we the readers of that tale to fill in the…
Read More

What we need now are muscular Christians…

That's a quote from one of my old favorite movies, Chariots of Fire (1981), a quote which has stayed in my heart and brain these long years and which, in the past few days, has taken on a more vivid meaning  for me and a greater urgency in my life.  No, don't be concerned...I am not about to decide that I want to "bike a century" like one friend or to take up triathalon training like another.   Being a muscular Christian in the Eric Lidell sense of the phrase means something totally different to me.  That is what has become clear to me over the past week. I didn't realize…
Read More

Viva la Resistance…

No, I have not been mysteriously transported to the French Resistance and the fight against Nazi Germany, although, internally it might feel a bit like that.  And maybe “Long live the Resistance” is not really the sentiment that I want to express, because, really, I would like it to end – it just seems to be the reality of the past few weeks, and, particularly the last 48 hours. Resistance – you know, that gift from God that shines a light on something that needs our holy attention?  When you are in the middle of it, it certainly does not feel like a gift. There are lots of changes all around…
Read More

Star-shaped pegs, round holes, and obsessions…

The Lenten season is never a particularly easy one for me...I tend to take the set-apart nature of this time very seriously, and conduct my own very intense version of the 12-step "ruthless moral inventory" to the very maximum.  Throw in a little of the type of soul-searching and relationship review that precedes the commemoration of Yom Kippur, and add a dash of my own personal intensity, and well, you can imagine what these weeks are like inside my spirit and my head.  I have always loved the Lenten season, despite its difficulties -- but not this year. Without burdening those of you who kindly read what I write with…
Read More

A tug and a pull…

I'm starting this Wednesday morning with a confession:  over the past couple of years, as I have worked with the concept of "discernment", lived in a place of discernment, worked to always practice true discernment, listened, prayed, thought, probed --truthfully, I have come, well, to dislike the word discernment.  In fact, as of yesterday, I would do anything to avoid the word, the concept, the idea -- if, sitting across from someone, they had leaned forward and told me in hushed tones that they were in a period of discernment, I probably would have had to leave the room -- no matter the depth of their sincerity or need.  The…
Read More

Beginning the remembering…

I must confess that I am avoiding the news and the usual NPR sound track to my life because, well, I am striving to resist the growing tide of 9/11 remembrance stories.  It is not that I do not want to remember, in fact I can't help but remember....I just want to maintain some illusion of control over when I take time to remember and therefore when I give in to the emotions that come with those memories. But maybe because I have been thinking about the topics like art and sin, yesterday I was thinking about just what I was doing ten years ago -- not in the minute…
Read More

And, one more thing on the topic of sin…

Well, for now anyway.  Back to the book I've been reading, Uncommon Gratitude, by Sr. Joan Chittister and Bishop Rowan Williams. I can't move on to the chapter on "Saints" before I finish digesting the one on "Sinners". I have spent the greater part of my energy over the last two years trying to find some resolution, some combination of what I experience as the call to communicate through musical performance and music education, and the call to discipleship....calls which have often seemed too divergent to manage or even to coexist in one life, at least in this world in which we live.  But I continue to be very unsuccessful…
Read More

Yes, I’m a sinner, but I guess I’m a good one…

Okay, I know that the title bears some explanation.  If you've been following my writings at least a little bit, you know that last spring, after a year of agonized questing and trying, I stopped actively looking for a way to "answer" the strong call of Gospel living that I felt and feel on my life.  I decided to to stop enrolling, pursuing, managing, forcing, and in general applying my considerable human will to answering that call, and to try a different approach:  I did nothing.  And, I must tell you, I really did nothing.  I haven't read a book, I haven't made a plan, I haven't looked forward --…
Read More

The weight of it all…

A year ago today, I was licensed to the Gospel Ministry at the Calvary Baptist Church.  As a member of my committee  (and someone whose grace and spirit I admire so deeply) said to me immediately afterward, in the grips of a welcome hug, "So, do you feel the weight of the Gospel call on your life yet?"   At the time, I probably thought that I did -- I certainly understood the solemnity of the choice that I had just made, the gravity of standing in front of my community and declaring it, the responsibility involved in asking for their confirmation of my call and the duty I had in…
Read More

Roses and the meaning of Life…

I live in the city -- I mean, really, the city...so when I refer to my "garden" I am talking about the the 4 foot by 10 foot stretch of post-construction dirt rubble that was used to fill in the hill in the front of our house, some 40 years ago.  I am quite lucky, since I have the space in front of two houses in our row (the house next door is a rental property belonging to a friend, where I am also allowed to garden), but considering that I grew up with a full acre to garden in, well, you get the idea...it is small.  But over the…
Read More

Open mine eyes…

For various reasons, I had the opportunity to spend a considerable amount of study time with the Road to Emmaus story this week (Luke  24:13-35, in case you want to read it), and it has set me to pondering further some things that, well, I have been pondering.  As I was reading  from various commentaries, I was struck by one particular comment:  that, in the eyes of this analyst, one of the signs of a good story (particular a story written to instruct and guide) is that it is incomplete -- there are lots of "spaces" in the tale, allowing we the readers of that tale to fill in the…
Read More

What we need now are muscular Christians…

That's a quote from one of my old favorite movies, Chariots of Fire (1981), a quote which has stayed in my heart and brain these long years and which, in the past few days, has taken on a more vivid meaning  for me and a greater urgency in my life.  No, don't be concerned...I am not about to decide that I want to "bike a century" like one friend or to take up triathalon training like another.   Being a muscular Christian in the Eric Lidell sense of the phrase means something totally different to me.  That is what has become clear to me over the past week. I didn't realize…
Read More

Viva la Resistance…

No, I have not been mysteriously transported to the French Resistance and the fight against Nazi Germany, although, internally it might feel a bit like that.  And maybe “Long live the Resistance” is not really the sentiment that I want to express, because, really, I would like it to end – it just seems to be the reality of the past few weeks, and, particularly the last 48 hours. Resistance – you know, that gift from God that shines a light on something that needs our holy attention?  When you are in the middle of it, it certainly does not feel like a gift. There are lots of changes all around…
Read More

Star-shaped pegs, round holes, and obsessions…

The Lenten season is never a particularly easy one for me...I tend to take the set-apart nature of this time very seriously, and conduct my own very intense version of the 12-step "ruthless moral inventory" to the very maximum.  Throw in a little of the type of soul-searching and relationship review that precedes the commemoration of Yom Kippur, and add a dash of my own personal intensity, and well, you can imagine what these weeks are like inside my spirit and my head.  I have always loved the Lenten season, despite its difficulties -- but not this year. Without burdening those of you who kindly read what I write with…
Read More

A tug and a pull…

I'm starting this Wednesday morning with a confession:  over the past couple of years, as I have worked with the concept of "discernment", lived in a place of discernment, worked to always practice true discernment, listened, prayed, thought, probed --truthfully, I have come, well, to dislike the word discernment.  In fact, as of yesterday, I would do anything to avoid the word, the concept, the idea -- if, sitting across from someone, they had leaned forward and told me in hushed tones that they were in a period of discernment, I probably would have had to leave the room -- no matter the depth of their sincerity or need.  The…
Read More

Beginning the remembering…

I must confess that I am avoiding the news and the usual NPR sound track to my life because, well, I am striving to resist the growing tide of 9/11 remembrance stories.  It is not that I do not want to remember, in fact I can't help but remember....I just want to maintain some illusion of control over when I take time to remember and therefore when I give in to the emotions that come with those memories. But maybe because I have been thinking about the topics like art and sin, yesterday I was thinking about just what I was doing ten years ago -- not in the minute…
Read More

And, one more thing on the topic of sin…

Well, for now anyway.  Back to the book I've been reading, Uncommon Gratitude, by Sr. Joan Chittister and Bishop Rowan Williams. I can't move on to the chapter on "Saints" before I finish digesting the one on "Sinners". I have spent the greater part of my energy over the last two years trying to find some resolution, some combination of what I experience as the call to communicate through musical performance and music education, and the call to discipleship....calls which have often seemed too divergent to manage or even to coexist in one life, at least in this world in which we live.  But I continue to be very unsuccessful…
Read More

Yes, I’m a sinner, but I guess I’m a good one…

Okay, I know that the title bears some explanation.  If you've been following my writings at least a little bit, you know that last spring, after a year of agonized questing and trying, I stopped actively looking for a way to "answer" the strong call of Gospel living that I felt and feel on my life.  I decided to to stop enrolling, pursuing, managing, forcing, and in general applying my considerable human will to answering that call, and to try a different approach:  I did nothing.  And, I must tell you, I really did nothing.  I haven't read a book, I haven't made a plan, I haven't looked forward --…
Read More

The weight of it all…

A year ago today, I was licensed to the Gospel Ministry at the Calvary Baptist Church.  As a member of my committee  (and someone whose grace and spirit I admire so deeply) said to me immediately afterward, in the grips of a welcome hug, "So, do you feel the weight of the Gospel call on your life yet?"   At the time, I probably thought that I did -- I certainly understood the solemnity of the choice that I had just made, the gravity of standing in front of my community and declaring it, the responsibility involved in asking for their confirmation of my call and the duty I had in…
Read More

Roses and the meaning of Life…

I live in the city -- I mean, really, the city...so when I refer to my "garden" I am talking about the the 4 foot by 10 foot stretch of post-construction dirt rubble that was used to fill in the hill in the front of our house, some 40 years ago.  I am quite lucky, since I have the space in front of two houses in our row (the house next door is a rental property belonging to a friend, where I am also allowed to garden), but considering that I grew up with a full acre to garden in, well, you get the idea...it is small.  But over the…
Read More

Open mine eyes…

For various reasons, I had the opportunity to spend a considerable amount of study time with the Road to Emmaus story this week (Luke  24:13-35, in case you want to read it), and it has set me to pondering further some things that, well, I have been pondering.  As I was reading  from various commentaries, I was struck by one particular comment:  that, in the eyes of this analyst, one of the signs of a good story (particular a story written to instruct and guide) is that it is incomplete -- there are lots of "spaces" in the tale, allowing we the readers of that tale to fill in the…
Read More

What we need now are muscular Christians…

That's a quote from one of my old favorite movies, Chariots of Fire (1981), a quote which has stayed in my heart and brain these long years and which, in the past few days, has taken on a more vivid meaning  for me and a greater urgency in my life.  No, don't be concerned...I am not about to decide that I want to "bike a century" like one friend or to take up triathalon training like another.   Being a muscular Christian in the Eric Lidell sense of the phrase means something totally different to me.  That is what has become clear to me over the past week. I didn't realize…
Read More

Viva la Resistance…

No, I have not been mysteriously transported to the French Resistance and the fight against Nazi Germany, although, internally it might feel a bit like that.  And maybe “Long live the Resistance” is not really the sentiment that I want to express, because, really, I would like it to end – it just seems to be the reality of the past few weeks, and, particularly the last 48 hours. Resistance – you know, that gift from God that shines a light on something that needs our holy attention?  When you are in the middle of it, it certainly does not feel like a gift. There are lots of changes all around…
Read More

Star-shaped pegs, round holes, and obsessions…

The Lenten season is never a particularly easy one for me...I tend to take the set-apart nature of this time very seriously, and conduct my own very intense version of the 12-step "ruthless moral inventory" to the very maximum.  Throw in a little of the type of soul-searching and relationship review that precedes the commemoration of Yom Kippur, and add a dash of my own personal intensity, and well, you can imagine what these weeks are like inside my spirit and my head.  I have always loved the Lenten season, despite its difficulties -- but not this year. Without burdening those of you who kindly read what I write with…
Read More

A tug and a pull…

I'm starting this Wednesday morning with a confession:  over the past couple of years, as I have worked with the concept of "discernment", lived in a place of discernment, worked to always practice true discernment, listened, prayed, thought, probed --truthfully, I have come, well, to dislike the word discernment.  In fact, as of yesterday, I would do anything to avoid the word, the concept, the idea -- if, sitting across from someone, they had leaned forward and told me in hushed tones that they were in a period of discernment, I probably would have had to leave the room -- no matter the depth of their sincerity or need.  The…
Read More

Beginning the remembering…

I must confess that I am avoiding the news and the usual NPR sound track to my life because, well, I am striving to resist the growing tide of 9/11 remembrance stories.  It is not that I do not want to remember, in fact I can't help but remember....I just want to maintain some illusion of control over when I take time to remember and therefore when I give in to the emotions that come with those memories. But maybe because I have been thinking about the topics like art and sin, yesterday I was thinking about just what I was doing ten years ago -- not in the minute…
Read More

And, one more thing on the topic of sin…

Well, for now anyway.  Back to the book I've been reading, Uncommon Gratitude, by Sr. Joan Chittister and Bishop Rowan Williams. I can't move on to the chapter on "Saints" before I finish digesting the one on "Sinners". I have spent the greater part of my energy over the last two years trying to find some resolution, some combination of what I experience as the call to communicate through musical performance and music education, and the call to discipleship....calls which have often seemed too divergent to manage or even to coexist in one life, at least in this world in which we live.  But I continue to be very unsuccessful…
Read More

Yes, I’m a sinner, but I guess I’m a good one…

Okay, I know that the title bears some explanation.  If you've been following my writings at least a little bit, you know that last spring, after a year of agonized questing and trying, I stopped actively looking for a way to "answer" the strong call of Gospel living that I felt and feel on my life.  I decided to to stop enrolling, pursuing, managing, forcing, and in general applying my considerable human will to answering that call, and to try a different approach:  I did nothing.  And, I must tell you, I really did nothing.  I haven't read a book, I haven't made a plan, I haven't looked forward --…
Read More

The weight of it all…

A year ago today, I was licensed to the Gospel Ministry at the Calvary Baptist Church.  As a member of my committee  (and someone whose grace and spirit I admire so deeply) said to me immediately afterward, in the grips of a welcome hug, "So, do you feel the weight of the Gospel call on your life yet?"   At the time, I probably thought that I did -- I certainly understood the solemnity of the choice that I had just made, the gravity of standing in front of my community and declaring it, the responsibility involved in asking for their confirmation of my call and the duty I had in…
Read More

Roses and the meaning of Life…

I live in the city -- I mean, really, the city...so when I refer to my "garden" I am talking about the the 4 foot by 10 foot stretch of post-construction dirt rubble that was used to fill in the hill in the front of our house, some 40 years ago.  I am quite lucky, since I have the space in front of two houses in our row (the house next door is a rental property belonging to a friend, where I am also allowed to garden), but considering that I grew up with a full acre to garden in, well, you get the idea...it is small.  But over the…
Read More

Open mine eyes…

For various reasons, I had the opportunity to spend a considerable amount of study time with the Road to Emmaus story this week (Luke  24:13-35, in case you want to read it), and it has set me to pondering further some things that, well, I have been pondering.  As I was reading  from various commentaries, I was struck by one particular comment:  that, in the eyes of this analyst, one of the signs of a good story (particular a story written to instruct and guide) is that it is incomplete -- there are lots of "spaces" in the tale, allowing we the readers of that tale to fill in the…
Read More

What we need now are muscular Christians…

That's a quote from one of my old favorite movies, Chariots of Fire (1981), a quote which has stayed in my heart and brain these long years and which, in the past few days, has taken on a more vivid meaning  for me and a greater urgency in my life.  No, don't be concerned...I am not about to decide that I want to "bike a century" like one friend or to take up triathalon training like another.   Being a muscular Christian in the Eric Lidell sense of the phrase means something totally different to me.  That is what has become clear to me over the past week. I didn't realize…
Read More

Viva la Resistance…

No, I have not been mysteriously transported to the French Resistance and the fight against Nazi Germany, although, internally it might feel a bit like that.  And maybe “Long live the Resistance” is not really the sentiment that I want to express, because, really, I would like it to end – it just seems to be the reality of the past few weeks, and, particularly the last 48 hours. Resistance – you know, that gift from God that shines a light on something that needs our holy attention?  When you are in the middle of it, it certainly does not feel like a gift. There are lots of changes all around…
Read More

Star-shaped pegs, round holes, and obsessions…

The Lenten season is never a particularly easy one for me...I tend to take the set-apart nature of this time very seriously, and conduct my own very intense version of the 12-step "ruthless moral inventory" to the very maximum.  Throw in a little of the type of soul-searching and relationship review that precedes the commemoration of Yom Kippur, and add a dash of my own personal intensity, and well, you can imagine what these weeks are like inside my spirit and my head.  I have always loved the Lenten season, despite its difficulties -- but not this year. Without burdening those of you who kindly read what I write with…
Read More

A tug and a pull…

I'm starting this Wednesday morning with a confession:  over the past couple of years, as I have worked with the concept of "discernment", lived in a place of discernment, worked to always practice true discernment, listened, prayed, thought, probed --truthfully, I have come, well, to dislike the word discernment.  In fact, as of yesterday, I would do anything to avoid the word, the concept, the idea -- if, sitting across from someone, they had leaned forward and told me in hushed tones that they were in a period of discernment, I probably would have had to leave the room -- no matter the depth of their sincerity or need.  The…
Read More

Beginning the remembering…

I must confess that I am avoiding the news and the usual NPR sound track to my life because, well, I am striving to resist the growing tide of 9/11 remembrance stories.  It is not that I do not want to remember, in fact I can't help but remember....I just want to maintain some illusion of control over when I take time to remember and therefore when I give in to the emotions that come with those memories. But maybe because I have been thinking about the topics like art and sin, yesterday I was thinking about just what I was doing ten years ago -- not in the minute…
Read More

And, one more thing on the topic of sin…

Well, for now anyway.  Back to the book I've been reading, Uncommon Gratitude, by Sr. Joan Chittister and Bishop Rowan Williams. I can't move on to the chapter on "Saints" before I finish digesting the one on "Sinners". I have spent the greater part of my energy over the last two years trying to find some resolution, some combination of what I experience as the call to communicate through musical performance and music education, and the call to discipleship....calls which have often seemed too divergent to manage or even to coexist in one life, at least in this world in which we live.  But I continue to be very unsuccessful…
Read More

Yes, I’m a sinner, but I guess I’m a good one…

Okay, I know that the title bears some explanation.  If you've been following my writings at least a little bit, you know that last spring, after a year of agonized questing and trying, I stopped actively looking for a way to "answer" the strong call of Gospel living that I felt and feel on my life.  I decided to to stop enrolling, pursuing, managing, forcing, and in general applying my considerable human will to answering that call, and to try a different approach:  I did nothing.  And, I must tell you, I really did nothing.  I haven't read a book, I haven't made a plan, I haven't looked forward --…
Read More

The weight of it all…

A year ago today, I was licensed to the Gospel Ministry at the Calvary Baptist Church.  As a member of my committee  (and someone whose grace and spirit I admire so deeply) said to me immediately afterward, in the grips of a welcome hug, "So, do you feel the weight of the Gospel call on your life yet?"   At the time, I probably thought that I did -- I certainly understood the solemnity of the choice that I had just made, the gravity of standing in front of my community and declaring it, the responsibility involved in asking for their confirmation of my call and the duty I had in…
Read More

Roses and the meaning of Life…

I live in the city -- I mean, really, the city...so when I refer to my "garden" I am talking about the the 4 foot by 10 foot stretch of post-construction dirt rubble that was used to fill in the hill in the front of our house, some 40 years ago.  I am quite lucky, since I have the space in front of two houses in our row (the house next door is a rental property belonging to a friend, where I am also allowed to garden), but considering that I grew up with a full acre to garden in, well, you get the idea...it is small.  But over the…
Read More

Open mine eyes…

For various reasons, I had the opportunity to spend a considerable amount of study time with the Road to Emmaus story this week (Luke  24:13-35, in case you want to read it), and it has set me to pondering further some things that, well, I have been pondering.  As I was reading  from various commentaries, I was struck by one particular comment:  that, in the eyes of this analyst, one of the signs of a good story (particular a story written to instruct and guide) is that it is incomplete -- there are lots of "spaces" in the tale, allowing we the readers of that tale to fill in the…
Read More

What we need now are muscular Christians…

That's a quote from one of my old favorite movies, Chariots of Fire (1981), a quote which has stayed in my heart and brain these long years and which, in the past few days, has taken on a more vivid meaning  for me and a greater urgency in my life.  No, don't be concerned...I am not about to decide that I want to "bike a century" like one friend or to take up triathalon training like another.   Being a muscular Christian in the Eric Lidell sense of the phrase means something totally different to me.  That is what has become clear to me over the past week. I didn't realize…
Read More

Viva la Resistance…

No, I have not been mysteriously transported to the French Resistance and the fight against Nazi Germany, although, internally it might feel a bit like that.  And maybe “Long live the Resistance” is not really the sentiment that I want to express, because, really, I would like it to end – it just seems to be the reality of the past few weeks, and, particularly the last 48 hours. Resistance – you know, that gift from God that shines a light on something that needs our holy attention?  When you are in the middle of it, it certainly does not feel like a gift. There are lots of changes all around…
Read More

Star-shaped pegs, round holes, and obsessions…

The Lenten season is never a particularly easy one for me...I tend to take the set-apart nature of this time very seriously, and conduct my own very intense version of the 12-step "ruthless moral inventory" to the very maximum.  Throw in a little of the type of soul-searching and relationship review that precedes the commemoration of Yom Kippur, and add a dash of my own personal intensity, and well, you can imagine what these weeks are like inside my spirit and my head.  I have always loved the Lenten season, despite its difficulties -- but not this year. Without burdening those of you who kindly read what I write with…
Read More